Announcing Our Own VoIP Phone, the OnSIP One

We’re proud to announce the upcoming release of the brand new OnSIP IP phone, simply called the OnSIP One. Based on customer feedback, and in collaboration with one of our partner IP phone providers, we have designed the OnSIP One to be the optimal IP phone for OnSIP service. Of course, we will keep our service open to all SIP capable phones; however, we don’t doubt you’ll see the benefits of the OnSIP One, detailed in the below review.

The History of the OnSIP One

This project has been under wraps for almost 2 years now. We’ve been very mindful of the landscape of SIP user agents, quietly observing features from new releases and listening to customer requests of various manufacturers to craft the formula the would help us build our own phone. Our aim was to model the OnSIP One after our service and make it completely standards based, built from the ground up, with no walls or barriers to speak of.

First Impressions

The OnSIP One is a pre-configured, VoIP user-agent that shatters preconceptions of VoIP phones. The OnSIP One ships in white, but one of the first things our customers notice off the bat is that it automatically adjusts to the user by changing to his or her favorite color. The phone’s body also emits a soft and calming light, similar to what you may see over a pot of gold, and the aromatic smells of your best childhood memory. We have found that this personalized touch does wonders for making the employee feel special and appreciated.

Phone Configuration

Configuring the OnSIP One is extremely easy – because you don’t have to. The phone is preconfigured to OnSIP and also to your personal music taste. Never wait on hold to elevator music again; the OnSIP One knows your music taste and will play your favorite music for you. How? Well the SIP protocol allows us to detect when the other user-agent puts you on hold; and when this happens, the OnSIP One plays your favorite music. How does it know your favorite music? Our patented Un-PC-Prototyping® Chip, lodged in the phone’s receiver, reads the sound of your voice and matches it to music. For example, if you have a Southern accent, the OnSIP One will play Country music. If you are young sounding, it will play Shania Twain as opposed to Merle Haggard.

Junction Networks Interoperability Tests

The OnSIP One passes all of our 30 test cases, and then some. Not only are call transfers are successful, but hug and poke transfers can also be made – similar to Facebook. If you hug the OnSIP One receiver, the recipient will feel the essence of that hug through a high tech, vibration system. We can’t go into detail here, as this technology is a revolutionary, trade secret. However, we will say that in studies done by Columbia University, the OnSIP One is proven to save marriages. (Disclaimer: The hug and poke feature is not recommended for business use.)

Voice Quality

You’ve heard of wideband audio and the regular old g.722 codec. Well, we’ve widened the band even further. We’ve widened it so much it almost snapped. Turn the settings to maximum and you can literally hear what the other person is thinking.

Actually, we don’t like to brag, but the voice quality of the OnSIP One is glorious. It makes everyone sound like a higher form of being, which can be very influential in sales and directing your employees. In fact, in a study of 284 users, we found that the 95% of listeners will do what the OnSIP One user directed – from coffee requests to signing over luxury cars and children.

One user says, “It’s like hearing the voice of Chuck Norris; would you disobey Chuck Norris?”

(Warning: OnSIP is not responsible for what your employees request over the OnSIP One. We also recommend companies using the OnSIP One have thorough psychological employee screening.)

Ease of Use

The OnSIP One is easy to use for various functions – not just making phone calls. For example, if you are hungry, simply press the yellow “Pizza” button for an instant call to the nearest pizza place with top ratings, made possible through an integration with the Zagat.com API.

If you realize you are late for a meeting with your boss across the country, you can easily press the blue “Hologram” button for a quick, 3D conference with your boss. Or, you can hold the phone close to the window, and press the green “Flight” button to have a face-to-face conversation with your boss in a matter of light-seconds.

If your boss is cranky, simply press the light blue “Chill” button, and hold the handset to your boss’s nose. On the handset, there is a small area around the speaker that continually pumps work enhancing chemicals* through the system. Not fully doing the trick? Press the dark blue “Sleep” button and an ultrasonic sound will ring out, calming your boss into a deep sleep.

*These chemicals are probably mostly legal.

Closing Statements

We look forward to bringing you the OnSIP One in the near future, from our factories on Gumdrop Island and the Lollipop Rainforest.